Living Alone As A Family

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Just woke up and saw something on Facebook that made me want to write a piece of my mind. I originally wanted to post this on Facebook or at Twitter but I realized masyadong maiksi yung character limit so I might as well post it here.

The thing is, as a woman, I really find it somewhat offensive that men are too dependent on their parents--even after marriage. Siguro nga may mga dahilan kaya sobrang hirap bumukod ngayon. Mataas ang bilihin, mahal ang bills, mahal ang renta, mahal lahat--but seriously, sa hindi nyo pagbukod ng asawa mo, you're putting majority--if not all--of the burden on your parents. Which is unfair, as far as I'm concerned. Kung single ka at nakapisan ka pa sa magulang mo, medyo acceptable pa. Medyo pabor pa yun sa parents mo dahil siguro naman may trabaho ka at nakakatulong ka financially sa mga magulang mo. Yun, eh, kung tumutulong ka nga kahit papaano. LOL.

But once you get married o magsama kayo ng girlfriend/boyfriend mo, oras na siguro para bumukod ka sa mga magulang mo. Assume responsibility of your own family naman. Ke lalaki ka o babae o kung kaninong side na magulang kayo nakatira, man up. Pinasok nyo 'yan eh. Kung hindi nyo pa kaya, don't get married. Wag muna kayo magsama. Ganun lang naman yun, di ba?

Kung kailangan kayo ng magulang mo o nya, dahil may sakit si mommy o daddy o kayo ang sumasagot ng majority ng bayarin sa bahay nila, then that's fine. But if you're there because you want to make 'tipid', mahiya naman kayo, di ba? Hindi porke walang nagsasalita sa mga kasama nyo sa bahay, ibig sabihin okay lang. Remember that they are still your parents. Hindi ka palalayasin nyan. In fact, hangga't pwede kayong tumira sa kanila para di sila mawalay sa unica hijo/hija nila, mas gusto nila yun.

I just find it really hard to accept that kind of mentality. Nakapisan sa partido ng isa para makatipid. Nung nagsama kami ng asawa ko, he said that we could live with his relatives in Cebu. Our daughter just turned one year old and we had no stable income. I just started doing freelance projects at oDesk at that time but I was already paying for our rent and everything sa bahay ng pinsan ko. I was living with my cousin pero umuupa ako sa kanila. You can't imagine how hard that was for me since I was the sole breadwinner for me and my daughter that time. Pero wala akong reklamo dun dahil ginusto ko yun. Hindi pa kami nagsasama ng asawa ko nun. It was a very complicated set-up back then but I assumed my responsibility early in the relationship because I knew that everything that happened to me was a consequence of my past decisions.

Anyway, nung nagsama kami, I told him I didn't want to live in Cebu. I grew up in Manila and the thought of living in a place with a different dialect is not okay with me. Also, hindi ako comfortable sa idea na makikitira kami sa bahay ng may bahay. I told him no, if we want to be together and start this family right, we'd do it on our own. Kasehodang mahirapan kami. I want my daughter to grow up with an independent mind and not rely on us for every decision she has to make. Sabi nga nila, live by example. Dependent parents cannot raise an independent child.

So ayun nga, we started small. As in super small. When we moved here in Batangas, kasyang kasya lahat ng gamit namin sa owner type jeep. That was another huge decision we had to make, by the way. I'm a city girl. I love the city. I can't live without malls, food deliveries, Starbucks and all the convenience living in Manila has to offer. But for this family, I gave that up. Naisip ko kasi, if we would start living as a family in Manila, we'd end up in the slums. That's the sad reality that you have to realize when you start making decisions for your family and not just for yourself. Kapag sa Maynila ka tumira, ang binabayaran mo, Manila rate. It would work if you are working in Manila. But for freelancers like us, we don't need to live in Manila. We could live and work anywhere as long as there is an internet connection. So I had to give up the city life if we want to survive.

So balik tayo sa gamit. Pagkalipat namin dito sa Batangas, simpleng kutson, TV, unan, Orocan closet at electric fan lang ang gamit namin. The place I used to rent in Manila was a small space so yun lang kasya na gamit. Nung nilagay yun sa bahay na nakuha namin dito sa Batangas, grabe nanliit talaga kami. We got a decent house with 2 bedrooms, sala, kitchen and bathroom. Sobrang laki talaga compared sa dati kong tinitirhan sa Manila na halos kasing laki lang ng bedroom namin ngayon. Pero wag ka, ang rent magkapareho lang. Yun ang pinagkaiba ng Manila sa nearby provinces. Cost of living is also way different compared sa Manila. Ang bills, sobrang mura. Like this month, ang tubig namin 75pesos lang buong buwan na. Nung nasa Manila kami, ang normal water bill namin 500php/month.

Two years later, halos kumpleto na kami sa gamit. Mukha nang bahay ang bahay namin. Marami pa kaming bibilhin pero madali na, konting ipon at tipid na lang. Na-regulate din ang pagiging mallrat ko since isa lang ang mall dito. SM Batangas City lang ang decent mall dito, which is only 5 minutes away from our house. We are doing great by ourselves. No other people to ask permission to or to consider before making decisions for the family. Walang nakikialam pag may away mag-asawa o may issues sa anak. We are free to make changes in the house whenever we would feel like it. Walang kampihan, walang intriga. If we miss our parents, we could visit them once in a while. May cellphone din naman para magkamustahan.

So, ayun. Ang pagbubukod, mahirap talaga. Pero sa umpisa lang yan. Para kang nag-aaral mag-bike. Sandamakmak na galos at sugat at pilay muna ang aabutin mo bago mo matutunan. Pag natuto ka na, di mo na maaalala kung gaano kahirap yung pinagdaanan mo. You'll just let yourself enjoy the ride and think that everything you've been through is worth it.

Yun nga lang, sa case ko, hindi ako natutong mag-bike noon. LOL. Pero maaga ako natutong maging independent. Mas lalo pa nung nagkaroon na ko ng sarili kong pamilya. Mas gusto ko naman na balang araw maging proud sa 'min ang anak namin at ang mga magulang ko dahil nakaya namin ng mag-isa ang buhay pamilya. Kesa yung marunong nga kaming mag-bike ng single, pero sa mga lolo't lola nya pa rin kami nakatira, di ba?